Ponderings

I can't really explain this, but its like I am hitting a brick wall. A wall I put up myself for whatever reason that I now cannot seem to get around. I am struggling with why I do (or don't do) things the way I do. Why is change so difficult? Why can't replacing old behaviors be as easy as the bad ones were to acquire to begin with? I know, I know. . . personal growth etc. etc. blah blah blah. I can't figure this one out. I know the things I need to be doing so why don't I just do them? Why do I procrastinate and put things off - or get to a poing where I don't even care anymore? Why I can't I just get it all together for once in my measley life? ARGH! I'm not trying to come up with some great philisophical reason for the entire universe, just the motivation to change my life. To be better . . . to follow through with things . . . to become who I want to be and who The Lord wants me to be. But how . . . how do I do it? I guess I am just clay in the hands of the Master. But maybe I'm afraid that the Master won't like the feel of this clay and will not want to mold it.

*Sigh* I've got to go to bed before I get my brain worked up to the point I won't sleep well.